On existing outside of your Comfort Zone

It’s been officially 100 days (as of yesterday) that I’ve existed in Thailand. It feels like it’s been longer. More often than not I am in a constant state of barely comfortable confusion. I’m working with it.

My 90 year old host Grandma constantly climbs up the 2 flight of stairs to ask me why I’m not eating. Or she sees me eating eggs and veggies without rice and proceeds to ask me 5-7 times why I don’t eat rice. Followed by some other words that I have no idea what they mean. I smile and produce a nervous giggle. It seems to work.

Some days my host family has things planned, like beach days, bamboo markets, waterpark adventures or aquarium visits. Even just sitting in a car for 2 hours with 4 other people in the backseat brings me such joy, but I still feel awkward at times.. like when the conversation in the car is mostly Thai and I have no idea where we’re going or what’s being said. But I’m still grateful for all of it.
There are days, however, where I’m mostly alone. I talk to my boyfriend via FB Messenger for an hour or so, I watch Netflix, I write in my journal, I art. I stay in my room and sit in front of my fan. These days I sometimes feel weird. I feel lonely. I feel like I’d rather be at home in Illinois, curled up with my boy watching Star Wars. I’m basically doing the same thing here, why not just go home and do it?

But then there are days where I make a plan. “Today I’ll ride to the beach.. it’s only 10km, right?” And then it turns out to be longer. And halfway there in the 110 degrees I think I might die… but I push on. I get to the beach and I see the view, I hear the waves.. and life is good. All the past instances of being uncomfortable, or awkward or alone just fade away.
Mind you it took me a few hours of convincing myself to leave the comfort of my room and get on my bike and just go. But once I pushed past that fear I reached a place of complete bliss.

Every day brings a new challenge, but also a chance to discover something. Be it a good feeling, a new friend, or even just a new little food joint or coffee shop where you get the chance to practice your Thai. All I have to do is just push myself past that point of comfortability to reach it.

So I’ll push on.. in this barely comfortable state of confusion.. because the moments that I push myself past my comfort zone and discover something wonderful.. those are the moments I live for.
Until next time, my friends.

Peace, Love & Thai
– Ang

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