Life

I’ve been going through some things.. to say the least.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. It’s hard enough being in this foreign country and seemingly feeling alone at site.

Insert an issue/event/whatever you want to call it that you didn’t anticipate happening and it can throw your whole world out of whack.

I’m so quick to think of myself as a burden so I let my feelings simmer and ultimately just made myself hurt more. It wasn’t until I started opening up and talking to friends and family that I finally started to feel okay.

Life is so hard. I know this. We all do. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows. We have to learn to be okay when the clouds roll by.

I’m starting to realize that every cloudy day is an opportunity to build strength in yourself.

But believe me when I tell you there were days when I didn’t think I’d ever see the light again.

And even now I’m still struggling, I won’t lie to you. But I feel a little sense of relief after days of grief, and I know I have to just keep pushing. Go through the motions, like my mom said, until all of a sudden it just clicks and you’re okay. (Mom, what would I do without you?)

My friend recommended this book to me by Pema Chodron called “When Things Fall Apart.” It has been a huge help to me so far. The first couple of chapters I read and just cried it all out. I cried out my pain, my fear.. and then I cried because I finally realized that I was going to be okay.

It’s going to be okay. And sometimes it won’t be, and that’s okay, too.
Truth be told I am a crazy ball of emotions at any given time on the emotional rollercoaster that is Peace Corps. I’m all over the place. I’m a total mess, but you know what? I’ve accepted it. Because that’s just the way things are sometimes.

But as my mom has told me since I could feel feelings..
In the end it will all be okay, if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.

Here’s to better days ahead ❤

 

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