I’ve always been a big believer in signs. I tend to read into things, a lot. That can be a bad thing, I think, but I try to pay attention to the good signs over the bad.
Like right now for instance, a dragonfly just landed on my computer chord and is resting there patiently as I write this blog post. Dragonflies remind me of my mother. She has always loved them and because of that I love them too. Whenever I see them I think of her and it makes me feel like everything is alright with my World. It’s weird, but it’s comforting.
I’m in Month 12 of my Peace Corps Service. Can you believe it? I’m a month away from my one year mark in Thailand. And I’m still trying to navigate my way through it all.
There are moments where I feel “at home” in a sense. Like this afternoon when I biked around to get food and had small conversations with the shop owners. There are also moments where I still feel like an outsider or a bit of a burden, like when it’s been raining non stop for a week and none of the teachers (4 of which who live by me) seem keen on giving me a ride into school.
They weren’t lying when they said this was going to be one of the hardest experiences of my life. I could go on with my current frustrations, but I’m trying to get back into my state of positivity. There are a lot of things that frustrate me, but there are also a lot of things that make me happy.
For example: my Counterpart continues to show improvement, and although at times it seems like she isn’t perceptive to my feedback or planning, she seems to be taking it all in and making changes in her own way. For that I am proud, and I am grateful. And it took all of 12 months for me to see that improvement.
I am still on the fence on whether I will go home early or make my whole 27 month commitment. A part of me really wants to stay, but I hit those small frustrations and it really spins me for a loop and makes me wonder if I should/can stay.
I’m trying and will continue to do so for now. And I’ll continue to look for the signs, like the sun coming out today, if only for a few hours, after a week of non-stop rain.