It is the day before I leave for Bangkok. I am sitting at my desk, nervously bouncing my knee. Counting down the hours until I get to leave school, go home and start packing for my long bpit term (school break).

Sometimes I feel guilty. The things that keep me going in Thailand are the times I get to leave site and meet up with my other fellow volunteers.. the times I get to sleep in A/C and use hot showers. Eat cheese, pizza, burgers instead of Thai food. Shop at a grocery store and bring home bacon and a block of cheddar for the week. Spend my day in a fancy coffee shop drinking cappuccinos and eating some kind of pastry.

Coffee Shops always make me feel better

I have started looking at my time here in terms of experiences when I’m not at school. Why is that? Perhaps it’s because the times I actually teach are so few and far between. Because of that I don’t feel like I’m making much progress with my students or with my Counterparts. So rather than dwell on what little I feel like I’m doing at site, I start to concentrate on the times I get to escape and do something for myself.

Being such a tourist

It makes me wonder if I’m weak. Or way too privileged. None of my students or people in my community get to leave site as much as I do. They don’t take trips to the beach or go to Bangkok every couple of months. I act as though I need the getaway, but this is their every day lives. And they seem happy and healthy, for the most part.

So what is it that makes me feel like I need to get away? I suppose if it was the opposite, a Thai person in America, they would perhaps feel the same way. Confused and out of their comfort zone. It’s all relative, I imagine.

Maybe I’m being too hard on myself. Maybe it’s okay for me to escape. Good for mental health. A nice break from reality. It’s a weird thought, because to escape my current reality I go back to the comforts that were my reality back in the States.

All that being said, I’m going to try and take this school break as a much needed re-energizer. Clear my thoughts of any stresses that I can and just soak it all in. Not to mention the love of my life will be here in 8 days. Expect lots of photos and fun adventures in the upcoming blogs, less of me venting about life 😉

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