After a slightly frustrating experience this morning I found myself bitching to Martin about how a year might be enough and that I would be ready to come home at my one year mark. He told me something that kind of stuck with me.. “You haven’t been there long enough to be that scorned..” and he’s right.
I’m so used to having control of my own life. Being able to go where I want, do what I want. All of that has been turned around since being here because I am dependent on others for most things. I never realized how much I valued my independence until I got here.
I used to pride myself on being positive and loving life. But if I’m being honest, I can be extremely dramatic and “woe is me” the moment something goes wrong. Thailand has brought out the Negative Nancy in me. I thought for sure the Land of Smiles and Buddhism would do just the opposite. I’m realizing that perhaps I’m here to learn patience.
Being in a foreign land and completely out of my comfort zone makes little stresses feel amplified 100 times more. Now that the morning has passed I am a little disappointed in myself for letting myself get as upset as I was. Patience. I need to practice patience. With myself, with others.
This experience will remain hard and I will probably continue to vent about it through many mediums, but I have a feeling once I complete it I will be a.) proud of myself and b.) able to handle any stresses that may come my way.
And I’ve said this before and will continue to say it again, because I need the reminder.. to stay positive and take it easy on myself. Things are hard. No matter what country or situation I am in, life will always be hard. I need to stop letting it get to me. Or for now, I need to realize that it’s really not that big of a deal and let it go. Even if that means after hours of reflection later, realizing that I’m a big whiney baby that needs to woman up.
Easier said than done, for sure. But I am always learning and growing. I think we all are. And I think that’s the best we can do.