How’s life going? Well, it’s tough. Still. It probably always will be. Right? That’s what Peace Corps does.. takes you completely out of your comfort zone and challenges you in ways you never expected.You learn, you grow, you hope you’re not messing it all up. You signed up for this, Angela! You better get it together and stick it out. (Just a little self-motivation there, moving along..)
Our Reconnect Conference was the week before last. It was a nice couple of weeks to break me away from site and get me out of my funk. It was good to share experiences with other volunteers. I felt super re-energized and ready to take on all the struggles at site during the conference. I was pumped to change it all and have everything start to go smoothly! But then, I got back to school and the reality of all the work I have to do set back in, along with the overwhelming feeling that I may not change much at all.
I’d be lying if I told you I thought 100% that I could get through these 27 months as a volunteer. I question myself every day. I sit on my bed and look at the photos of my boyfriend and I, my friends, my family, and I daydream about going home early and being with them. I think about how I would spend my time with them; playing games, going out to eat, going to a bar. I think about how much easier life would be with my comforts back home (car, pizza delivery, a/c, fast wifi, clean water, grocery stores).
I’m trying to break out of that mentality. I need to stop questioning myself. Am I going to make it? Gosh, I don’t know. Would I rather be at home with Air Conditioning eating a cheeseburger and cuddling my boyfriend? Hell yeah, I would. But that’s not my reality. My reality is that I wanted this. I signed up for this. Yes, it’s harder than anything I’ve ever done before, but it also has moments where it’s all worth it.
So instead of asking myself if I’m going to make it, I’m going to start asking myself other questions like “What are you grateful for today?” “What are you looking forward to tomorrow?” Maybe I can’t make it the whole time, but I sure as hell can make it one more day. Day by day. That’s just how it has to go.
So today I am grateful for the students I saw at the market who ran up to me all smiles and followed me around as I bought my produce. Tomorrow I am looking forward to teaching and getting to spend more time with them.
Day by day, Ang. Day by day.